Can you work with your spouse?

A common question I get asked these days goes something like this: How do you manage to work with Rob (my husband) all the time? Or if the person asking is being a bit less subtle: How can you possibly work with your spouse?

Rob and I both work for the children's charity Viva, with me devoting 90% of my time, and Rob 50%. The other 50% Rob works on his writing and speaking business, which I help on from time to time. Viva does not have an office yet, so we work mostly from our home, with half of the week spent on meetings on HK Island.

We are both National Directors in Hong Kong, and have different skills and backgrounds. I'm an ex lawyer, with a few years of experience in the development sector, whilst Rob used to be a high school teacher, and has in recent years become a professional adventurer, writer and motivational speaker.

I'm naturally risk averse, conservative (or pessimistic in Rob's eyes) and I tend to over plan. Rob, on the other hand, likes to take risks, is highly optimistic (or slightly reckless in my books) and does not like planning much at all.

And we are both quite opinionated.

So you can imagine our meetings can get heated sometimes! (As my younger sister who's stayed with us can testify to...)

It's a real challenge, but we've found the following tips useful (not saying they're easy to follow...)

Try not to speak in your own natural work language

Don't assume that your way of working is always right

Leave plenty of time for discussion of potentially explosive topics e.g. finances

Sort out your own issues

Play to each other's strength i.e. actively affirm each other's contribution

Forgive each other - no one is perfect

Incidentally, we think these are also the same tips for helping with our marriage!

Do you work with your spouse? Do you have any tips which you can share?

Love146

I recently came across this moving video, about the story of a girl called Diana who had endured unspeakable trauma but has now found real hope and strength for the future.

Love146 is part of the network which Viva partners with in Cambodia, where scores of children are victims of trafficking and exploitation.

Diana's Love Story from LOVE146 on Vimeo.

To find out more about the amazing work of Love146, check out www.love146.org.

If you enjoyed this post, you may also like Cambodia II: Rehab House, For the Love of Cupcakes.

Escape The City

If you are or know someone who's considering a career change, you might find www.escapethecity.org helpful - largely based in the UK, this site seeks to provide a forum for people who are thinking of escaping the city (ie the City in London, but it can also apply to other cities!) for "greener" pastures.

I'm featured as a "Hero" on the site (ha!), for having escaped law for the charity sector. Some of the tips and experiences which I shared have been reproduced below - hope you'll find something helpful!

2) What did you do before this?

Well, I did quite a few things!

My first job was with a London magic circle law firm where I trained and qualified as a corporate lawyer. I was with this firm for 4 years. I know plenty of people who enjoy their lawyer jobs but for me I thought life was too short to be stuck in something I wasn't passionate about!

After I left in late 2007 I tried different things in international development and human rights, which included working with an NGO in relief and development (Tearfund) and interning with a couple of human rights think tanks. This summer my husband and I also volunteered on a residential project with street children in the Philippines, which was absolutely awesome.

3) What was your moment of truth?

It's hard to pinpoint to a particular moment which changed everything, though I have to say that having a teacher-turned-explorer boyfriend then (now husband) who was cyclinghalf way across the world just because that's what he wanted to do certainly didn't help!

I was also reading Richard Nelson Bolles' other less well known book How to Find Your Mission in Life and found it rather inspiring.

And I loved what John Eldredge said in Wild At Heart: Don't ask what the world needs. Ask yourself what makes you come alive and go do that, because what the world needs is people who have come alive.

4) How did you plan for it?

On one hand I wanted to have had something lined up before I left my corporate law job (I was, after all, a lawyer, so was naturally rather risk averse) but my hours were so long and there just wasn't any physical or head space to think about anything, so I had nothing planned as such when I finished my notice. I was really in need of a break though so was glad to have 4 months off.

During the break I rested and tried to regain perspective, and after that I spent a whole month talking to everyone and anyone who was willing to talk to me about the international development and charity world (I asked my friends for any contacts they were happy to give me) and built up my network that way. I found my first job through doing that!

Taking a few months off might not be a viable option for some, but I was fortunate enough having saved up a bit of money and I didn't have any mortgage or babies to worry about.

5) What have been the best and worst things about making this happen?

The best thing is that even though nowadays I'm still busy and sometimes working longish hours (nothing compared to the City though!), I'm doing something I'm passionate about and I no longer feel chained to my job because of some unknown fear/feeling of loss if I walked away from it.

Can't really think of the worst thing really.... obviously one has to go through lots of soul searching about one's own identity when one jumps ship, and I felt scared and vulnerable and insecure at various points, but it's all part of a very good growing up experience (with the benefit of hindsight I can of course say this now...). I talk about some of my struggles on my blog.

6) What is the best advice you have received?

Try not to give too much weight to people who tell you that it cannot be done - because there will always be people who are pessimistic / risk averse / or for whatever reason think you're mad!

The flip side of this is to talk to everyone and anyone who's happy to chat with you - you'd never know what you might learn or who they might point you to.

Got a burning question? Go ahead and ask me something.

7) What resources or information have you found really helpful?

What Colour is Your Parachute by Richard Nelson Bolles.

I love Don Miller's A Million Miles in a Thousand Years - a hugely inspirational read, Don talks about living life as a story, which is an excellent way to go about living your life, so you'll be intentional about leading an interesting, meaningful life (which often requires some risk taking!).

If you enjoyed this post, you may also like So What Do You Do?, The Unedited Version and How Will You Measure Your Life.

The Lover

Recently I read a thought provoking, captivating book The Lover by A B Yehoshua.

Originally written in Hebrew, it tells of a story set in the 70s in Israel and evolves around a Jewish man, his wife, their teenage daughter, a young Jewish man who had returned from France and a teenage Arab boy.

Giving different voices to the different characters in first person, it is a beautifully book with depth, and much nuanced insight on both life in general (love, marriage, loss, identity) and people's lives in Israel and Palestine.

I'm not sure if it's intended to be on a commentary on the politics in the region, but certainly I didn't detect any biases but on the contrary felt that the author was portraying quite a balanced picture (though I'm sure someone is bound to disagree with me on this).

The Israel and Palestinian situation is no doubt an extremely complex and sensitive one, and I don't think the author was trying to side with anyone. It's a really enjoyable book and I would highly recommend it.

Jumping Ship

An ex colleague recently got in touch to ask me about jumping ship. The pleasant exchange of Facebook messages and other such correspondences made me realise I should probably at some point share here some of the tips and mistakes which I learned from my own experiences in moving to another field.

It would be great to explore questions such as these:

1. How does one decide to really go for it?

2. Once the decision has been made, what next?

3. Would further study help?

4. How does one find a job in a different sector?

5. How not to look back!

Watch this space!

Restarting my blog

I'm trying to restart writing on this blog, though a silly voice inside tells me I'll probably fail to keep up with my expectations.

One challenge which I had felt (= an excuse for disappearing for months) was that I needed to write something super meaningful for each entry, as otherwise I would just be blabbering. But that means I almost never write these days, as we've been mega busy with setting up Viva in Hong Kong.

But that's a poor excuse, and one that will certainly stop most people from doing anything like this - as most people suffer from over busyness!

So I'll attempt to write again.

Ugly Betty

I'll admit it.

I've been enjoying Ugly Betty Fourth and Final Season.

While I, like many others no doubt, hesitate in accepting her "prettier" self as the final season progressed (she just looked so different without her braces), I (and my husband who normally only likes serious stuff) really like this season so far - it's funny, deep, innocent, and has a clear moral sense - like honesty, fidelity, loyalty, friendship are all good stuff, even if they cost at times!