So what do you do?

This article was pitched as part of a series for a paper in Singapore but it was dropped (sob!) as the paper didn't want to encourage a trend for corporate exodus (!!!)

Thought I should post it here nonetheless for those who haven't got bored of reading about escaping the corporate life :)

So what do you do?

I dreaded that question 3 years ago but it was impossible to avoid being asked precisely that at dinner parties.

In November 2007 I had taken the leap and left my glamorous job as a corporate lawyer in London to instead pursue an alternative career in the charity sector. To my surprise the transition left me shaken inside and I found many things difficult, including how to introduce myself to new acquaintances. I felt embarrassed admitting that I was in transit to an unknown new world, despite the frequent response of admiration (which sometimes was accompanied by bewilderment). The temptation was always there to drop in a line or two about how I used to work for a top law firm.

Equally challenging was the moment when everyone exchanged sleek-looking business cards and I would stand there feeling self-conscious. When my turn came I would apologise that I didn’t have a card, and joke that I should have prepared a homemade one. Perhaps my card would read: “Searching for a Job in International Development Relating to Children, Ideally if Previous Legal Skills can be Used”? And maybe “Ex Corporate Lawyer” should feature at the front, underlined, in case people didn’t think much of the convoluted title?

Having grown up in Singapore in my teens and succeeding all my life in the traditional sense (straight A student, Dean’s list in law school, scholarship to Oxford, high flying first job), I found it extremely hard to actually believe that I as a person was not defined by the parameters of conventional success. For months after I exited the revolving glass doors of Allen & Overy, I struggled not to view myself through the coloured lens by which I used to pigeonhole others: their jobs, their “proven” abilities; their financial status. I was also shocked to discover that I had those biases ingrained in me.

And there were other difficult aspects of the transition to deal with. All of a sudden, I found myself having to check my bank account balance and actually do some budgeting - such was the degree of my previous recklessness with my finances that I never knew how much money I had at any one point! Neither was I aware of the cost of, say, a red pepper in the supermarket, or a starter at a restaurant, as I threw things into my shopping trolley, or ordered from the menu without paying much attention to the numbers. I thought that was normal.

Socially, it wasn’t easy either. When going out with friends who also had lucrative jobs, it became necessary to have awkward conversations about how to split the bill. I had to muster all I had to fight the feeling of “losing face”. Also, I couldn’t attend the dinner at my best friend’s birthday bash at a posh restaurant but could only manage to join the party for a drink afterwards. For a natural people pleaser (with a delicate self esteem), all this proved to be very difficult, but these situations forced me to examine some of the deep seated attitudes in me and the motives behind what I used to do.

Looking back, it was a tough period of time, and writing about it has even depressed me slightly, but if you asked me if I regretted my decision at all, the answer would be an irrevocable no. There is no way I would exchange now (and the excitement of what is to come) for anything from my previous life.

The Happy Lawyer

This morning I came across another book on happiness - this time through my lovely dad - one which would interest many of my (lawyer and non lawyer) friends and ex colleagues: The Happy Lawyer (a misnomer?)

I'm totally plagiarising my dad, but here's a quick summary of the first half of the book.

The authors looked at the relationship between happiness and dissatisfaction of lawyers and made the following observations:

• Public vs private sector: 2 out of 3 lawyers in the public sector were reported as being more satisfied

• Age: Lawyers over 50 years old are happier than those under 50

• Income: There is a weak link between income and life satisfaction

• Sex: Female lawyers have become less happy during the past 35 years

• Race: Black and Hispanic lawyers are happier than Asians and Whites, apparently because more Blacks and Hispanics work in nonprofit or government legal jobs, and more Asian and White lawyers work for large law firms.

The authors also suggested 6 keys to life satisfaction:

• Security - physical or economical

• Autonomy - ability to make your preferred choices

• Authenticity - being who you really are

• Relatedness - connectivity to others

• Sense of competence

• Self-esteem

According to the authors, self development towards these six intrinsic goals produces more happiness than focussing on extrinsic goals, such as becoming rich or famous.

I found this echoes what Oliver James says in Affluenza (which is a great book by the way) - that the motivation of our actions is important, that if we are driven by "affluenza-ish" desires in what we do (wanting to be famous, rich etc), we will tend to have less satisfaction, than if we were driven by intrinsic values (like we actually like our job, the job develops us), even if the latter may actually end up making us famous and rich.

And finally, the authors introduced some tips from what they called the Happiness Toolbox:

make your job matters to you - choose meaningful projects - become a key player - make you job affect other people - identify how your work has bettered lives - strive for a work-life balance - discuss work flexibility with sympathetic (!) boss - make your job more secure - know and become friends with those who control your fate (I don't like how this sounds) - meet or exceed company expectation - take control of your work product and work space - develop your own strategy for meeting goals - personalise your work space (like with Hello Kitty!) - connect with people - collaborate - eat lunch with colleagues or clients - participate in company events (eating lunch will be a start) - choose face-to-face work when possible - if happiness seems possible (!) in your job, commit to that job - don't always look for greener grass (water your own) - remind yourself what you really like about your job - think about projects that have "made time fly" - look for challenging tasks - avoid when possible, too easy tasks (hmm) - avoid making upward comparisons - choose when possible, projects that benefit the less fortunate - find out what experiences have made your colleagues or work-friends happy - know your strength and what gives you pleasure - align your work with your value

Have you got enough ideas yet?

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I don't think I agree with many things proposed by the authors, but there are definitely some interesting observations and some useful tips.

Although I am no longer in that world, I am still deeply intrigued by how lawyers / corporate people are finding their jobs.

One thing that popped into my head is what about the question of purpose - both in terms of one's own purpose in work/life and the corporate purpose of where you work. Do these matter to you?

As usual, I would love to hear about what you think of any of this!

$$$

Last week I read another interesting article in the International Herald Tribune - this time on consumer spending - which I'd like to share with my readers!

Stephanie Rosenbloom wrote about how consumers in the US are beginning to rethink about their spending pattern (cf. spending amount). The crux of it is that research (plus some people's own experiences) has shown that buying things will not bring as much happiness / fulfillment as spending money on experiences - so going to see a play, enrolling in language lessons, going on holidays etc, as opposed to buying, say, a Gucci bag, another i-phone, a leather jacket of the latest style.

I suppose there are many reasons why people (in the developed world at least) naturally like to accumulate things (some of which may be, strictly speaking, unnecessary) - there is the intense in-your-face advertising everywhere, things are a more tangible form of "reward" for one's hard work.

But it is not surprising really that spending on what Rosenbloom called experiences would generate more satisfaction.

If you're the sort who likes theatre/art, going to a play or an exhibition increases your appreciation for what you already like, it probably makes you feel good about developing your interests. You might even come out of the venue feeling like you don't need to buy too much stuff, that you're quite satisfied.

If you are into learning generally or have a burning desire to learn a new language, taking lessons can be fun (as well as frustrating I suppose!) and may give you a sense of money well spent, as you're gaining a new kind of knowledge - and it doesn't really matter whether it is a useful language, as there's intrinsic value in learning something.

If you like travelling or just going somewhere to take a break, enjoying a holiday usually (or should, at least in theory) improves your mood, helps you relax, takes your mind off the usual stuff which stresses you, and possibly broadens your horizon too depending on where you go and what you do.

Such "experiences", like many others, enhance our appreciation of life.

Things, on the other hand, which continue to scream out at us "BUY ME!", are more alluring in a way (especially if you're accustomed to a capitalistic society with tonnes of advertising), and they do seem to provide immense satisfaction (in my case, lasting for anywhere between two minutes to two days within the purchase), but such good feelings don't seem to last for very long, and the worst thing is, they seem to require constant "feeding" i.e. making another purchase!

Do you find all this quite perplexing? Because I do!

Am I happy and where am I going (on my birthday)?

Today is a special day for me. It's my birthday. So, for once, I'm letting myself be a little self-indulgent without beating myself up.

(Yes I do give myself a hard time, but that doesn't mean I stop sharing things which I feel are important - which to some people maybe a sign of self indulgence?)

Anyway.

A couple of questions which I naturally ask on such an occasion are:

- Am I happy with where I am?
- Where am I going?

Happiness. This seems to be on the forefront of everyone's mind these days - you see it in the bestseller sections in book shops, you read about it in forwarded emails, you can't help but notice all the appeals to YOUR HAPPINESS in ads and commercials ranging from types of coffee beans to the latest i-phones to your next holiday destination.

I can't say I'm happy or unhappy really, as happiness is a really hard word to use. No one is happy all the time, or unhappy all the time (except I guess for people who suffer from depression - which is really hard). And whether one is happy or unhappy, sometimes, depends on one's own perception and is relative.

For example, I wake up happy because I know today is my day off, but I get even happier when Rob cooks me my favourite breakfast, but if it rains do I then become unhappy or less happy as we may not have as good a day as we could have? It's a silly example but what is happiness? It seems too transient a concept to be meaningful.

So, I guess maybe I should rephrase - Am I fulfilled, and satisfied with where I am?

Fulfillment is a difficult concept too, but I think it's a better measuring criterion than happiness. Of course, fulfillment is never constant, but at least it goes deeper than just happiness (in my opinion at least).

Working in the charitable world is not always fulfilling, contrary to popular opinion. There are frustrations too of course. But I'm really excited about what's about to happen!

We're now in Hong Kong to start working for Viva, an international Christian children at risk charity. Their vision is to optimise what is an already saturated field - the field of charities and projects working with children.

There are many out there helping the world in all sorts of wonderful ways. But often, especially in the case of the many small grassroot projects started by well meaning local people, they are (through no fault of their own) disconnected, poorly equipped and unsupported. Their workers often have little funds to work with, no fancy laptops which may be available to the top international NGOs, and they don't have many opportunities to be trained and supported in this very difficult field of work.

Viva's vision is to help these projects get connected, equipped and supported so that they can do their work better. Viva helps achieve this by finding where projects are, linking them up so they can share tips and know-how with one another. They also provide training and mentoring to equip projects in what they do.

So it's very exciting to see how we can share Viva's vision and passion with the people of Hong Kong, and invite them to join in this exciting venture.

(And writing helps me to feel fulfilled, in a way)

Which leads me to the second question:

Where am I going?

The answer is: no idea.

Whereas most of my friends are busy getting on with their plans of babies, buying their first (or second or third flat) and planning their careers, Rob and I have no idea where we could be possibly heading towards!

We've committed to working for Viva for an initial two years here in Hong Kong. Rob has lots of exciting things on the side - his corporate speaking, his book coming out in the US next year, his other writing, possible new adventures, whereas I'm focussing more on Viva plus some writing which I really like doing.

Where are we going? We haven't got a clue!

Don't get me wrong, I don't like uncertainties. I hate uncertainties so much that they make me break down and cry sometimes. But I've decided (and will have to decide again) that it's okay, it's okay to take risks; in fact we need to take risks in life - we only get to live once, and more importantly, God calls us to take risks for Him.

Daunted but hopeful and excited - it's a good place to be I think.