Happy Second Anniversary

Today marks the two year anniversary of my new life without a blackberry. Some friends commented back in 2007 that it was a brilliant phrase, but these days it may not appeal as much, as it’s rather rare for anyone to be without a blackberry – you don’t really have to work in the City to be “blessed” with such devices anymore.

It’s been quite a ride since I packed up my things and exited the shining revolving glass doors of Allen & Overy 2 years ago today. It began with my first ever “sabbatical”, a 4-month career break to learn to breathe again without feeling hyper tensed (which back then was not helped by that blinking red light on the blackberry), to gather up my much scattered thoughts and regain perspective on life and work. This all sounds so dramatic as I write this, but on hindsight I think that was exactly what happened. For the next many months as I went about researching on the charity sector and hunting for opportunities, going from a temp job in a development consultancy to a HR admin job to an HIV project coordinator role in Tearfund, I grappled with identity and self worth issues, which I suppose are common to many who dare to jump ship and try something altogether different work-wise. (I reckon many new mums probably face that too, given how little credit society seems to give to motherhood these days).

It wasn’t easy at all, trying to:

(1) give up the money and many luxuries in life including just walking into any restaurant without looking at the prices (something which I now think was probably not very wise),

(2) redefine my identity, from being one of 4000+ staff of a magic circle law firm – a term which, to my horror after I left, rings no bell whatsoever in many other circles, to err-I’m-still-wondering-what-I’m-going-to-do (and I had to drop in a line to say that I used to work in the City or I used to be a lawyer), and

(3) survive and thrive without the usual sense of security, though very soon after my exit the City (and the rest of the world) got into some serious trouble.

It was very hard work, and I found the redefinition of identity the most challenging of all, as the whole process brings up many deep seated personal issues which are so fundamental to me as a human being. It revealed my biases and the many coloured lenses through which I used to see the world and people generally. It showed me where I placed my hopes and dreams and confidence. It was a shocking, uncomfortable time, and in many ways I’m still going through that, but I think the rougher bits are over now (for this particular stage at least), and I’m happy to say that these days in most situations I don’t feel the need to mention to new acquaintances about me being a lawyer in my previous life, but that’s not to say that I don’t ever mention it!

The Scrabble proposal came, the wedding was underway within 4.5 months (not quite a record apparently, given my previous landlord got married to his lovely wife within 2 months of being engaged), I left Tearfund, we went on holiday to Canada to see my family, the wedding day arrived (which was beautiful and amazing), followed by the honeymoon in southern Spain, and within a week of our return to London, Rob had his official book launch which was a huge success (I felt like an important wife doing all the socialising :))

I continued on with my life without a blackberry by starting an internship with Equal Rights Trust, a small and relatively new NGO which focuses on equality and non discrimination around the world. It’s a brand new area for an ex corporate person (I want to see how I can use my legal background in development/social justice), and reading many of the cases and reports brings me back to law school days when I did care about the freedom of expression etc. For 3 days a week I work for these human rights lawyers, and one day a week I volunteer with Christian Solidarity Worldwide, a Christian NGO that advocates for freedom of religion for all faiths, and puts pressure on governments to release prisoners of conscience. It’s been really humbling to work for these NGOs, as I’m reminded each day of the ridiculously huge range of freedoms and liberties I enjoy each day, most of which I completely take for granted. It’s also been uplifting to work for CSW, which, similar to Tearfund, derives much of their motivation and energy from God, who we believe is a God of the fatherless and the oppressed. Every Friday I work for my third boss, Rob, in his new venture with his book, TV series and speaking engagements. We’ve discovered it’s not an easy task working as husband and wife (especially with a wife who thinks very strongly that the City way of doing things is the only way), but we’re working on it with tears and laughter.

I continue to feel challenged (and sometimes depressed, which signals that I’m probably getting something wrong) by issues of poverty both globally and locally, in both my inability to figure out the solution (I KNOW, how can anyone just figure it out? I must be mad) and in my indifference and inconsistent lifestyle.

Thankfully, I’ve found help (and many challenging messages) in Shane Claiborne’s The Irresistible Resolution: Living as an Ordinary Radical, Bryan McLaren’s Everything Must Change, Steve Chalke and Cherie Blair’s Stop the Traffik, Rob Bell’s Jesus Wants to Save Christians, and many more, but I would recommend these if you are grappling with these issues too. There are no easy answers unfortunately; but I suppose we must keep grappling and keep changing in small ways. I’ve recently been recommended Simplicity, Love and Justice which according to my friends provides practical tips on how you can live simply, do justice and impact your community so I'm looking forward to reading that.

Married life, I’m happy to report, is great, but not without its challenges. We went on The Marriage Preparation Course which was good fun, hilarious at times and very practical, and 3 months into the marriage now, sometimes we still wonder if we remember anything at all from the course?! Rob and I are probably what you would call “relationship nerds”: we went through quite a lot of marriage prep material like Loving Against the Odds by Rob Parsons, Fit to be Tied by Bill and Lynn Hybels and of course The Marriage Book by Nicky and Sila Lee who run the Marriage Prep Course as well - all extremely helpful stuff. Even so, at times we feel completely lost and not very equipped to deal with many issues that come up, especially when both of us think that we’re in the right! What Miles, the minister who married us, said about being the first to race to say sorry is very good to hear but very hard to apply indeed. A friend of ours once said to us before we got engaged that in his first year of marriage (they’re in their 7th year now) he felt that there was always a mirror that’s held up against his face, that he could see all the ugly selfishness which he was not aware of in the past. How true, especially when sometimes we do feel like strangling each other as we feel so frustrated!

One thing Rob and I have found really beneficial from all the books so far is the intentional carving out of an evening a week which is often called “Date Night”, where we set aside the time to “go out” as if we’re still in the dating stage, and where we make a real effort to talk to each other and understand how each other is feeling and thinking these days. We’ve also discovered that, true enough as we’ve been told, if you don’t put it in the diary it will never happen!

We’ll be away in the US for most of January, and will be leaving for Asia, where first we will be volunteering with the same street children project Christ for Asia in Cebu City for 3 months, and then back to Hong Kong in July. We’re not sure what we’re doing to do in HK yet, but praying and hoping the right doors will open at the opportune time! Our diaries are filling up quickly but we hope to be able to catch at least some of you in the UK before we leave, and we look forward to seeing those of you who are based in Asia very soon.