Can Bling Bling be Fairtrade too?

Remember the film Blood Diamond? I never managed to see it properly; the only time I saw it was on a speeding coach along the coast of Negros in the Philippines this past summer. We were on our way to a beautiful island where one of the CFA staff was from, and were most thrilled when the bus driver decided to show it on the small TV screen at the front of the bus. Feeling hungry (we had got up at 5am), cold (the AC was intent on freezing us) and slightly nauseous from the bumpy ride, I strained to follow the exciting plot.

The film, if you don’t already know, is set in the late 90s in Sierra Leone and tells a tale of a family being broken up by civil war, and about how the father sought to find his lost son who has now been captured by the rebel groups to become a child soldier. The film also showed something that has been happening for decades now – the conflict diamonds which feed many bloodthirsty civil wars in Africa. In such instances, rough diamonds are mined for by civilians who have been captured by rebel groups and sold onto the next stage of the diamond chain for large sums of money, which in turn finance the continuing warfare.

Obviously no one would want to knowingly buy or own any diamond that might potentially have been tainted by “blood”.

The Kimberly Process is an initiative that has been set up since 2000 to ensure that diamonds in the world market are properly accounted for, by imposing extensive requirements on members to shipments of rough diamonds as “conflict free” and thus prevent conflict/blood diamonds from entering into the legitimate trade.

However, the Kimberly Process does not certify individual jewellers. According to their website, as a consumer, you can play your part by requiring the jeweller where you’re purchasing from to answer the following questions:

How can I be sure your jewellery does not contain conflict diamonds?

Do your diamond suppliers participate in the industry’s ‘System of Warranties’*?

Can I see a copy of your company’s policy on conflict diamonds?

*The diamond industry has set up a 'System of Warranties' that complements, but is distinct from, the Kimberley Process. You can find out more here.

I came across a further question about 2 years ago whilst I was working at Tearfund. During one of the lunch time seminars, we were introduced to the ethical jeweller CRED. CRED, I found out, is a jeweller based in the UK which only sells conflict free diamond, but it even goes further to ensure that the diamonds and metal (gold, silver, stainless steel) which they sell are sourced in an environmentally friendly manner and that the workers involved in the exploration and refining are paid a fair wage!

How awesome is that!

Thankfully, when Rob thought of proposing 1.5 years ago, he had kept the mass email which I sent out about my new discovery of CRED, and he went to CRED and got me a beautiful, conflict free and fair trade diamond ring! (Apparently they had to source the diamond from Canada – as that’s the only place where the stones are definitely free of conflict as well as exploitation!)

CRED makes very beautiful and classic jewelry and has a wide range of engagement and wedding rings too.

For those of you who are married, I’m not suggesting you to go and change your engagement and wedding rings, though I would love to encourage those who have not got rings to please consider CRED (or any other such jeweller, just do a Google search!), and do your extra bit in making our world a more ethical place.

Cambodia II: Rehab's House

This blog post is part of a series where I'll be sharing about what we've seen and experienced in terms of the anti human trafficking work in Cambodia.

Another project just outside Phnom Penh, Cambodia, which really moved us was Rehab's House.

Until several years ago, Rehab's House used to be a brothel where scores of under 18 girls were kept to service the sexual needs of customers. Men typically paid US$10 to 20 to sleep with a girl if she wasn’t a virgin. In a culture where (at least for some sections of society) sleeping with a virgin is believed to bring good luck or, on the extreme end, able to purge one’s HIV, a virgin at this brothel was priced at US$300 and her price can go up to $700 if she was pretty.

I say her “price”, but she would not have received a single penny of what was paid as all the money went to the brothel owners.

At the brothel, children were kept in individual “rooms” (which was no more than a 5 feet x 7 feet cell) with a wooden bed where the sexual acts would be performed. On the wall outside each room was painted, in red, a number. The children were known as the numbers outside their rooms. Two rows of rooms ran parallel to each other, with a tiny corridor in the middle. The children were not allowed to go out of their rooms except for using the toilet etc, and if they tried to escape they would suffer grave punishment, and in the few cases of children who tried to run away they were brought back by gangsters in the vicinity who were connected with the brothel.

In 2002, International Justice Mission, working with the local police, raided the brothel, rescuing all the children who had been held in captivity, and went on to persecute the perpetrators. The children, who finally saw the light of day after living in what could only be described as hell, were then placed in an aftercare shelter operated by Agape (who also runs Rehab's House), where they could be counseled, cared for and educated so that they might have another chance at life.

The building where the brothel used to operate was subsequently majorly restructured, with the cold, dingy cells demolished (except for Room no. 9), and turned into a community centre providing supplementary schooling to children, vocational training (sewing lessons!) to women and girls, and healthcare to all in the community. The women and girls taking the sewing lessons are now able to make pillowcases as a livelihood to provide for themselves and their families. Livelihood is an extremely important key to preventing trafficking in the first place, as many who are poor and desperate to survive are often extremely vulnerable to traffickers coming along to entice/trick/persuade them into so-called “employment opportunities”.

The community where Rehab's House is located is not without lingering problems – 70% of its inhabitants are Vietnamese (and hence stateless and illegal, according to the Cambodian government, despite the fact that they have lived in the country for many years and their children were born in Cambodia; they are particularly at risk as the state does not protect them at all), most people living there are still very poor and uneducated, gangs still operate in the area and pedophiles still travel from Phnom Penh daily to transact with children.

Walking through the streets and seeing people not having or doing much, it’s tempting to get all despondent about the state of things in this community. But we’re reminded again of the progress that has been already made as a result of the immense hard work by amazing organisations such as IJM and Agape, and that widespread, long lasting change always takes time.

As we were leaving those dusty roads that evening, through the back window of the window I looked at Rehab's House again, painted in orange and yellow, and the women working on their sewing projects. What used to be a dungeon where cries of children were muffled, Rehab's House is now a lighthouse in its community, giving hope and a future to many.

If you enjoyed this post, you may also like Human Trafficking or For the Love of Cupcakes.

In Spotlight

Last Thursday, Rob and I were in the spotlight.

Well, for about 5 minutes.

On a stage in front of over 100 starry eyed couples who were engaged to get married, we were interviewed about our first year of marriage.

About one and a half year ago, during our tight engagement period (4.5 months, which apparently is not that short, according to some!), we signed up for the Marriage Preparation Course* at our church, Holy Trinity Brompton.

The people running the course have asked us if we could be the “live interview couple” for the first session this term, the theme of which is Communication. The idea of the interview is for those who are on the course to hear, first hand, from a newly married couple about what they have learnt about being married, the ups and downs and any useful top tips so far!

We could still vividly remember going along to the course on the second week in May last year (as Rob had only proposed to me during the first week, so we missed “Communication”, ironically), seeing so many smiling couples who looked so in love and many no doubt thinking along the lines of I can never spend enough time with you or I can’t imagine having a fight with you ever, you’re so lovely… and then, hilariously, after a very fun and engaging evening having a nice meal, listening to a short talk and doing some discussions on their own, we saw many couples leave the building looking rather grumpy (and not holding hands)!

It seems amusing now, but we too can recall, one week, getting into a serious argument even before the discussion time came along, and not hearing what the speaker was talking about at all. Not sure if we were holding hands when we left either.

Don’t get me wrong. It was a great course. But if one were naïve (which of course many of us were, myself included), one might just get slightly surprised at the different issues that might come up in one's marriage, like how both your attitudes towards money can be very different and a point of serious contention, how best to develop healthy boundaries with parents and in laws (loving as they are, boundaries are good things, as a married couple is one unit and accountable first to each other) and so on and so forth. So it’s good to have a chance to talk about these important things, before one actually takes the plunge.

It’s also interesting to hear many couples say that it’s a precious time for them together, away from the manic (or mundane) wedding preparations which can sometimes take up so much of one’s energy and time, if not skewing one’s perspectives on life too.

In case you’re wondering, what were our top tips?

Rob: I’ve learnt not to give advice or react when Christine is trying to process her emotions externally and just be patient and listen. (Now boys you don’t have to go too crazy here)

Me: For me, it’s not to be afraid of conflict. Keep talking through the issues until you have resolved them. We have found that though it’s painful, we come out the other end closer.

*One does not have to be a Christian to be on the course at all; the course is based on Christian values, but many couples who go along to the course are not church goers.

The Marriage Preparation Course and the Marriage Course are run in many locations around the world.

If you’ve enjoyed this post, you may also like Love and War.

For the Love of Cupcakes

Have you ever thought of how cupcakes could help victims of sexual trafficking?

No, I'm not talking about cupcakes sold in a booth in some market somewhere to raise funds for a charity that works to combat the problem of sexual trafficking - though that's awesome in itself.

Two weeks ago, Rob and I visited several projects in Phnom Penh, the capital of the Kingdom of Cambodia.

One of these projects is called Bloom Cafe, a cafe which has been set up to help girls and women who have been previously trafficked into the sex trade. Bloom Cafe helps them by training them to bake and make cupcakes (and other kinds of cakes, all ridiculously beautifully decorated) and sell them at the cafe.

We had heard about Bloom Cafe the whole week when we were in Phnom Penh, and on the penultimate day we decided to swing by quickly to have a cup of tea and some impossible-to-eat-because-it-is-so-beautiful type of cupcakes!

The cafe has a lovely, relaxed atmosphere, and scattered around the ground floor are plush sofa seats, all colour-coordinated with matching cushions, and some wooden tables sitting bigger parties.

There are also three glass cupboards filled with displays of decorated cakes - in the form of a stylish luggage with a tag for Paris, a swish lady handbag, Noah's ark (complete with pai

rs of animals), and about 25 other designs. They were so good even Rob was impressed!

(We couldn't take any pictures of the decorated cakes so you'll have to go there yourself to check them out!)

Having never spoken to anyone who's been through unimaginable trauma, I was a bit unsure what to expect when I ordered a set of three cupcakes (and had huge difficulties choosing which three out of the 20+ designs), a pot of Fairtrade Chai tea and a cup of Fairtrade cappuccino. The ladies behind the counter were friendly and professional, and were gracious and smiling as I couldn't stop expressing my wonder and admiration at their work.

Trafficking is a complex issue. One thing which we have learned from our time in Phnom Penh is that huge efforts need to be made in different aspects of anti trafficking work. For example, whilst rescuing trafficked girls and women from brothels is critical in protecting them, they also need to be given appropriate care and counselling afterwards in order to have a chance of being healed or at least coming to terms with the trauma and pain which they have suffered. But it does not stop there - after an appropriate time of aftercare, these girls and women need to have alternative means of making a living, as otherwise, driven by poverty and lack of options, they may fall prey to trafficking and enter that world again.

So Bloom Cafe (and many others) is providing a great form of training and livelihood which gives real, long lasting hope to many who have just emerged from a dark world of unspeakable horror and pain.

In the next few posts I will write more about what we experienced in Phnom Penh, the different kinds of amazing projects that are going on and what we can all do to help combat the evil of human trafficking.

Love and War

A year ago today, Rob and I got married at Holy Trinity Brompton Church in London. Many friends had warned us beforehand that the wedding day would simply fly past, and that we should savour each moment.

True enough, that day came and went. When we cycled off (yes, on a bicycle!) into the street in Sloane Square trying to find our friend's hired car which was waiting for us, our adrenaline levels were still soaring high. We kept laughing our heads off as we dragged our luggages towards the train to Gatwick Airport at almost 1am, me in my turquoise Chinese cheong sum, and Rob in his T shirt and jeans (for easy cycling).

Friends (mostly girls) have asked me over the past months - so, how is it like being married?

They almost always get shocked when they hear my answer, which goes along the lines of:

Marriage is the most amazing thing that's ever happened to me, but it's also the hardest thing I've ever done.

(Now, before any male reader gets a bit defensive for Rob, I can confirm that he agrees with me too)

Marriage is hard. And I'm not sure why we (most people) still find that surprising.

Perhaps it's because of the far too often endings in romantic films, where the hero returns from somewhere and gets united with his beloved, or when the confused young woman finally chooses the "right guy" (by ditching her boring fiance for the exciting new kid on the block) and they proclaim their everlasting love for each other, and so on and so forth.

You get the idea.

For some reason, we human beings have been conditioned to think that when such romantic scenarios happen, they lead to a state called Happily Ever After which incidentally does not involve anything mundane or inconvenient like washing up after a meal, arguing over who should take out the trash, being too exhausted and stressed out to say nice things to your exhausted and stressed out spouse, or the more serious issues (which are very real possibilities) like the pain of rebellious teenage children, long term sickness, infertility, depression...

We have been fortunate that we haven't experienced any serious issues in our first year of marriage, but to say that it has been a cruise like what Hollywood movies and popular music often imply will be a lie.

We love each other, but we have also found loving difficult at various points. Our selfishness, our seemingly never ending capacity to hurt each other, even unintentionally, and the realness of feeling like we're enemies instead of lovers, become increasingly apparent, and painful to face or admit.

We are often amazed at how much happiness we can have in our marriage, but equally how frustrating and hard it can be.

Too often we think of marriage as the end to romance (for men mostly) or the start of eternal bliss (for women mostly). I would say both perceptions are misconceived.

Marriage is the start of the real adventure of life, where in the safety of life long commitment (if you choose to anyway), you grow to know the other person more and more deeply and learn to love him or her above yourself - which is extremely easy to say but fabulously hard to do.

Choosing to live like this definitely comes with a cost, but the rewards are, though they may not be immediate, unimaginably wonderful.

PS In case it's not clear, I totally recommend marriage!

If you enjoyed this post, you might also like My Obsession with Dust, Sweat and What Not

The Happy Lawyer

This morning I came across another book on happiness - this time through my lovely dad - one which would interest many of my (lawyer and non lawyer) friends and ex colleagues: The Happy Lawyer (a misnomer?)

I'm totally plagiarising my dad, but here's a quick summary of the first half of the book.

The authors looked at the relationship between happiness and dissatisfaction of lawyers and made the following observations:

• Public vs private sector: 2 out of 3 lawyers in the public sector were reported as being more satisfied

• Age: Lawyers over 50 years old are happier than those under 50

• Income: There is a weak link between income and life satisfaction

• Sex: Female lawyers have become less happy during the past 35 years

• Race: Black and Hispanic lawyers are happier than Asians and Whites, apparently because more Blacks and Hispanics work in nonprofit or government legal jobs, and more Asian and White lawyers work for large law firms.

The authors also suggested 6 keys to life satisfaction:

• Security - physical or economical

• Autonomy - ability to make your preferred choices

• Authenticity - being who you really are

• Relatedness - connectivity to others

• Sense of competence

• Self-esteem

According to the authors, self development towards these six intrinsic goals produces more happiness than focussing on extrinsic goals, such as becoming rich or famous.

I found this echoes what Oliver James says in Affluenza (which is a great book by the way) - that the motivation of our actions is important, that if we are driven by "affluenza-ish" desires in what we do (wanting to be famous, rich etc), we will tend to have less satisfaction, than if we were driven by intrinsic values (like we actually like our job, the job develops us), even if the latter may actually end up making us famous and rich.

And finally, the authors introduced some tips from what they called the Happiness Toolbox:

make your job matters to you - choose meaningful projects - become a key player - make you job affect other people - identify how your work has bettered lives - strive for a work-life balance - discuss work flexibility with sympathetic (!) boss - make your job more secure - know and become friends with those who control your fate (I don't like how this sounds) - meet or exceed company expectation - take control of your work product and work space - develop your own strategy for meeting goals - personalise your work space (like with Hello Kitty!) - connect with people - collaborate - eat lunch with colleagues or clients - participate in company events (eating lunch will be a start) - choose face-to-face work when possible - if happiness seems possible (!) in your job, commit to that job - don't always look for greener grass (water your own) - remind yourself what you really like about your job - think about projects that have "made time fly" - look for challenging tasks - avoid when possible, too easy tasks (hmm) - avoid making upward comparisons - choose when possible, projects that benefit the less fortunate - find out what experiences have made your colleagues or work-friends happy - know your strength and what gives you pleasure - align your work with your value

Have you got enough ideas yet?

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I don't think I agree with many things proposed by the authors, but there are definitely some interesting observations and some useful tips.

Although I am no longer in that world, I am still deeply intrigued by how lawyers / corporate people are finding their jobs.

One thing that popped into my head is what about the question of purpose - both in terms of one's own purpose in work/life and the corporate purpose of where you work. Do these matter to you?

As usual, I would love to hear about what you think of any of this!